Monday, March 21, 2011

The kind of post you REALLY want me to write...

Posted By: Leah
To celebrate my friend Lauren's 25th birthday a group of us went out this past weekend! Yes, I know I don't ever talk about going out/dating/anything even remotely exciting like that on here... I do try to keep my private life private (even though I tell everyone everything anyway just in person!)

but this saturday night was fun and also hilarious in some parts so you get to know about it! Yes, this is long... and it does start out dull... but in summary, I got so low at the club I fell over and also I have a broken toe. legit. and i gave this dude my number and....

So I left my house around7:20pm to get to the comedy club by 7:30pm. I have bad ADD and forgot to get in the shower until 6:45pm. I don't usually get too dolled up to go out, but i thought this was a good time to do so, too bad I was running late.  Here's a pic of me i took at the last second b/c i liked my make-up even though I only put it on in about 3 min.. It didn't show up and I look cross eyed!
We went to the comedy club for the 8:00 show. There was a bachelorette party in front of us, however over 1/2 the table was made up of ladies who were in their 40's or 50's and very clearly gay. This is Greensboro, so not an uncommon sight at all. Not just the opening comedian but the headliner too spent a good part of their show poking fun at lesbians. It wasn't anything offensive. I remember something about a vagitarian... that's funny stuff! One guy even worte a song... but the odd thing was that I don't think the majority of the table knew that the other 1/2 of the group was gay. Yes, I know... how would my gaydar work and it not work for the ppl in the person's same family/friends they would celebrate a bachelorette with. Anyhow, watching these ladies cut eyes at each other during the song was hilarious. I'm like people, it's okay. be out! I felt so uncomfortable for them! The rest of the room was laughing and these poor ladies just sat there looking panicked. unfortuinately that was pretty much the most entertaining part of the comedy club.

So from there we got free tickets to a country/western club which happened to be in the same parking lot. Did I mention we were with a couple black guys? Not that they weren't into country music (ok no, they weren't. i'm not either) but I get really uncomfortable with rebel flags. And they were all over this western club place. I know we are in the south and it's supposed to be our history, but when you see the NC flag with a rebel flag in it... yeah... not really my type of thing.

It was only 9:30 and we needed something to do before going downtown to the actual real club, so we just hung out at the country bar. They had a mechanical bull which none of us got on (plus i was wearing a super short skirt, TMI). So we just stood there and watched the live country band and people doing line dances/2-steppin or whatever it's called. We thought about just going outside to wait by the car until it got late enough to go downtown, but it was cold and being inside with rebel flags just seemed like a better idea at the time.

FINALLY it was like 11-something so we headed towards downtown. Let me just fill you in, if you didn't already know this about me... I love going to the club. I mean LOVE. I love everything about it from the music, dancing, drinking, creepers trying to get up on me, for some reason it makes me happy. I am not really a girl into hanging out at a bar. I have ADD bad and sitting there and maybe talking to a random stranger gives me social anxiety. yes, I know they have medicine for this. I also know if I'm on the medicine drinking's not a good idea LOL kidding! also, if i am going to drink and sit around, i can do this at my house with people I already know. I'm sorry, i am not cool enough to hang at the bar.

So the great news about the club is my friend's friend is 'talking' to a guy who is a bouncer at the club we were going to. Which means our whole group got in for free, girls and guys! It is a rooftop club, which is great and the weather was perfect sat night. I will not go into too many details, just the highlights. Oh! and it was the Supermoon. Did you see it? Looked the same to me. So anyway, by I guess a little after midnight this club was packed. I pretty much stayed in my group, but yes I did let a few dudes dance up on me. And no I didn't give my friends the 'thumbs down get this boy off me' signal... well I did but I think only to like 2 when they were getting a little too overly friendly. But I am kind of an attention snob so unless the dude is super creepy, old or ugly I am down for whatever.

Ok so highlights at the club! you remember the OMG song by Usher they still play on the radio. So this one dude who looked like ugh, why can't I think of his name! Black guy, actor, everybody thinks he's hot... Ok It'll come to me... anyhow this look alike was dancing with me and he was like singing it to me and pointing where he felt appropiate. to the parts like "honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow honey got some boobies like wow, oh wow" hahah. but also the other part that goes "Baby let me love you down. There's so many ways to love ya." He seemed sincere about it HAHAHAHAH.

They randomly played the cupid shuffle. I was pushed next to this girl who had on 5" spike heels. During the cupid shuffle she shuffled her damn stiletto onto my baby toe. I knew the second it happened that it was broken. I've broken many a toe and good thing I had been drinking a little because I could still walk/dance at that point. Here is my poor little piggy today (sorry for my creepy ashy foot). Yikes.

Next highlight was you know Ludacris's How low can you go? I hadn't heard that in forever! Well after like 3 hrs of dancing + a broken toe I was dancing w/ this dude. He actually reminded me sorta of this dude I used to work with in Richmond who lives in Burlington now (Sarah V. it's Kenny). It could have been him but wasn't. Anyhow alllll the girls were on him all night. Well lucky me with my getting low skills, he chose me to get low with during that song. The bad thing was I had on these shoes ( pic to the left. they are from target but actually really comfortable, even with a broke toe). So although I can get pretty low, I had an extra 4" I needed to get low with these shoes. Long story short, my little leg muscles got me so low that I couldn't get back up!!! So my friend-of-a-friend 'new friend' tried to help me. Well this girl weighed 90 lbs so she couldn't do it. I was basically stuck squatting in a 'get low' pose and had no way up. The dude i think ran away (as I would have if I were him) so finally i tipped myself forward and with every ounce of strength pushed myself back up. I don't think a ton of people saw me/realized I wasn't actually just being 'low' and staying there for fun... but it was embarassing!

Ok last highlight ( i mean there were more, but I'm not trying to bore you guys). Was there was this old lady up on the stage (anybody can jump up there) and she was doing nasty/dirty stripper moves. And she was OLD. like 70? ok maybe not that old... but not young. So I glanced up by accident right at her booty poppin and leg straight up on the wall (she was gettin it) and was just liek "Oh my eyes! why god!?" and this random dude who was walking by heard me and was like "oh my god I want to go back in time and not have witnessed that!" so somehow like a few min later same dude shows back up and is dancing with me. We kinda bonded over being visually raped by this old lady. So we kinda started talking/while dancing. The dude (for being a guy at a club) was actually really cool. We bonded about both being 30 and feeling way the heck too old to be there, we both went to college in gboro, then left, then recently came back. I was like 'plus gboro has a target!" he was like 'uh what?' i'm like "you know... target, shopping!" he was like 'oh wow ok" hahahaha. yes I really talked about target at the club. you know you would do this too! Anyhow after all this bonding when he asked for my # I actually gave it to him. Like my real # not a fake one. And when he put it in his phone he accidentally called my phone so I was like see it's real! You all know I don't give my # out to anyone ever ever. But at that moment it seemed like the nice thing to do.

My friend was like do not answer his calls, you can't be meeting dudes in the club. And yes this is totally true. Like what dudes go to the club, really? Not any I'd ever try to hang out with. ever. So in the event this dude calls (which I am not holding my breath on) I will do the right thing and answer. If i was a guy, and went as far as to chat a girl up and ask for her # and the girl actually give it, then if he calls her, I think it's awful for the girl not to answer. she should have not given her # out. The old "oh, i'm just here for fun" line is always a good one. Oh! but no, I'm Not trying to date this dude b/c I'm not trying to date anyone (ok you all who know me IRL know this is a lie, but that's my story I stick to hahahaha).

And... that's it! Ok that's not really it, but that's what you guys get to know!!!

OK that's not it! I fwd this to Lauren and she reminded me...
oMG… you did not even mention comedian with nasty belly dancing in a thong pouring water over his naked chest with 3rd nipple and stomach that contoured to his belt buckle.

So how could I have forgotten that part??? ok... so back to the comedy club... the 'headliner' comedian was awful. he was some recovering addict from canada or so he said. he thought it was a good idea to strip. and he had a 3rd nipple! or a gunshot wound. hard to know. Anyhow, he had this big belly and it did contour around his belt buckle. and he had this water bottle he kept having 'issues' with. he poured it down his chest. he was the biggest creeper ever. no wonder i totally blocked that part out of my mind. I think ppl should just be funny, not have to get naked, pour water on their 3rd nipple. eew.


  1. wow, that sounds like quite the night! well, if nothing else, you have a great story after it all! :)

  2. o.m.g.

    This weekend I did some sewing. And went to Kohls. Yep.

    You would die if you had to have my kind of weekends. lol

  3.'s the post I missed and now I'd like to hear the non blog appropriate bits...


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