Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Leah's top 8 reasons why the Bachelor Finale Sucked Last night...

Posted By: Leah

Let me start out with the fact that my son Gav is a genious.
Gav called Courtney winning IN THIS POST way back in February.
I'm taking that kid to a horse race soon, I mean it. He's about to win mama some cash.

Anyway... So it was Courtney won last night, Lindzi lost. Kind of a shocker. Here's why last night's finale was the worst finale EVER in Bachelor History:

I've compiled a top 8 list:

8- This is the episode where they meet the Bachelor's fam. They all loved Lindzi (even though she wears too much make-up IMO). He then has to tell his family to keep an open mind about Courtney – his mom actually goes, “Courtney. She’s the model” and her emphasis on the word “model” is like if his mom said, “She’s a child molester.”  ... um who else did she expect to be on the Bachelor? They try (for the most part) not to have ugly girls on there. And it's Ben who seems the most dumbstruck by pretty people. His mom should know this by now. PS they ended up loving Courtney. Gross. Plus ben = not attractive himself so Duh he'd pick someone prettier than him if he had the chance.

7-The directors of the show thought it would be a great idea to dress the ladies in cloaks! yes cloaks, what century is it? did they do a Harry Potter theme? It was gross.

6- Ok the real  reason why were they in these god awful cloaks? Well it's because it was cold. I know, they were at the Matterhorn in Switzerland. And yes, it was a nice switch-up from bikini time in Fiji. But when I hear 'Matterhorn' I think about the Matterhorn at Epcot. And it's by far the lamest fake 'rollercoaster' in the entire park. It's this huge psych-out where you think you will go down this huge hill, then they back you up and the ride's over. Kind of like the time when I cried for 2 days because when I came back from Epcot after the 1st time I went in 1987. I told my mom I'd never get to see Captial Eo again. Guess what? I never did. And now Michael Jackson's dead. So unless someone wants to get that for me on DVD in 3D, my dreams will be crushed once again (clearly I have epcot issues).
5-Back to Switzerland and the Matterhorn. Also, you cannot make me like Courtney by showing her petting a cat for 2 seconds while wearing a really adorable sweater. Well I did almost like her, until I remembered cats like witches, so it was no big deal the kitty wasn't running for it's life (as it should have). And her sweater really was pretty great.
4-I have reality-show helicopter issues. I blaim BF for this.

3-When Lindzi gets rejected she very desperately says "if things don’t work out, call me." Oh, Lindzi. Really? You want Courtney’s sloppy seconds? I mean all they do in this show is make out (and who knows what else) and share the Bachelor, so i guess it's all the same to her.

2-I hate it when they give really pretty rings. I get that's the point of the show, but I'm also super jewelry posessive. This isn't the exact pic of the Neil Lang rock, but moral of story it's a radiant cut halo eternity band. Clearly Ben has been looking on my Pinterest board for ring inspiration. Now I have to choose a new dream ring. Again. (that is the secret bonus of getting divorced, the un-ending wedding planning dreams you're allowed to have and people don't think you're crazy). PS no I don't have any plans of getting married let alone engaged anytime soon.

Every year I say 'oh no i'm not going to get sucked in by the bachelor/bachelorette' and then I watch the 1st episode. Just to convence myself that I am doing the right thing not to watch it. Then somehow it sucks me in... like "oh but this Bachelor has a kid... and I have a kid... so I must watch!" or "I hated her on the Bachelor, I bet she'll be the worst Bachelorette ever... so I must watch!" yeah... all that. For this one it was more like "well Ben's different. He's not attractive and a dork, I can't wait to see how he reacts to these crazy ladies..." I need to get some hobbies... like now.

1- the top reason that the Bachelor finale sucked is I have come to the conclusion the Bachelor/ette IS my hobby. YIKES. so last night was my superbowl. My 3 hour long superbowl.
The 'After the Rose' was just too much. I mean... Courtney, if Ben dumps you THE WEEK BEFORE VALENTINE'S DAY because he saw you acting a hot mess/crazy psychotic fool on the show, why will you take him back and become engaged all over again on the 'After The Rose.'

Oh Bachelor/ette. I wish I knew how to quit you :/
On May 14 the new season with awful Emily Maynard as the Bachelorette begins. It's being filmed in Charlotte, and because my friend Ashley dated Ricky Hendricks for all of a month in HS I feel a special closeness to this entire show. So here comes stone-cold faced dull as dirt crepper Emily and her daughter... Ricki. I already know I'm watching that one.


2 comments

  1. Google the interview with Kelly Ripa and Lindzi from this morning! It was funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I complained the whole three hours...yet I didn't turn it off. Ha!

    ReplyDelete

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