Friday, May 18, 2012

I finally got to read 50 Shades of Grey. My Thoughts...

Posted By: Leah
With BF laid up on the sofa earlier this week after surgery, I had plenty of time to FINALLY read 50 Shades of Grey, the 'mommy porn' book I've heard about NONSTOP for the past couple of months. I don't even know where to begin. I first have to say that:

1- I normally never read books ever (aside from children's books to Gav), this was just a rare opportunity AND I got the hookup on the book :)
2- I am not a literature snob, notice my mentions of Twilight below.
3- I am not a prude.
4- I heard nothing but amazing things about this book from EVERYONE.

So here goes my review... 
I'll start with the fact that 50 shades is a direct Twilight rip off. Ana is the main character in 50 Shades and she is IDENTICAL to Bella. From her nieveness to clumsiness, to the fact that her mom is flighty and off living with a random new step-dad. Both girls are pale, dark haired and apparently think they are 'average looking,' but have a bunch of guys into them. Bella works at some outdoor store and Ana works in a hardware store (same difference), some guy who works with them (both books) has a crush on the girls. Boring, nothing ever comes of it in either book. Both take place in Washington state.

Christian Grey IS Edward. Even his hair color, skin color (minus the glitter), all of that is the SAME! He is older and has a 'magnetic personality.' And he stares Bella, I mean ANA down all the time because he 'can't figure out what she's thinking.' Christian Grey shows up when Ana's all drunk being a mess by tracking her cell phone (stalker). Edward shows up when Bella's out on the street about to get accosted (stalker). UGH 50 shades, stop copying Twilight!

Ok next reason I dislike 50 Shades (oh wait, you just caught on) is because I don't think the writing is that good. I mean maybe I was thrown off by the fact Grey uses Ana's obsession with her to make her (and apparently a zillion girls in the past) into a SEX SLAVE!  WHAT!??? yes, this is real talk about the book. Ladies... why did you not mention this in ANY of your infinity tweets, blog posts, fb posts etc? I would have appreciated a head's up! And Ana's all into the sex slave lifestyle (it's concentual), however the writing of this book is not good describing this. You know how Twilight's an easy read, and you can get through the 500+ pages in like 2 days? Well...the writing of 50 Shades really is not good. Example: it's getting all racy then Ana says "He touched me there." Yeah that's it. And when he does something to her especially freaky the book just has Ana thinking, "Oh My." Um... yeah, I can come up with some more colorful language. And I'm sooo not a prude. trust me on this. I think based on the language used even Twilight, about high school kids, is more hardcore.

My other dislike of the book is the whole 'mommy porn' that it's supposed to be. I honestly was expecting a well written harlequin romance. Or... as I was reading it, I thought it would be like Breaking Dawn. 50 Shades was A- not well written (IMO) and B- NOT a romance. It's just about this poor nieve girl being a sex slave. Stuff about nipple clamps and yeah... not my thing. Once the book got into the sex-stuff it really was not as interesting.

And yes, I read the Twilight series back in the day and I kind-of liked it. The cheesy Twilight movies ruined it for me. So maybe 50 Shades will be the opposite... maybe the movie will be good and the series not so much. That works out better for me, because I normally never have time to read.

Have you read the book? Did you notice these similarities? Did you think it's 'mommy porn' and you think I'm a prude who doesn't appreciate a good book? (Feel free to say so, because I clearly am in the minority for not liking it)

If you haven't read it, I'll leave you with these direct quotes and page#'s... and you decide:
"He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle....Hmm … My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves (p. 137)"
"—from makeup remover to soothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid. (p.277)"
"My inner goddess is doing the dance of the seven veils … Oh my … It’s a curious feeling. (p.362)"

I thought the whole book was super Lame. sorry. I REALLY wanted to like it :(
I would have rather stuffed my face w/ 50 shades of gray ombre cake.

15 comments

  1. Hi Leah - yikes don't read my blog today - I wrote briefly about 50 shades and I am addicted - hehe jk read away. The "slave" part not so much but the how did you refer to it "momma porn" I did like it! But I loved seeing your references to Twilight which I also loved. I think bc I did like Twilight I liked this book too but the similaries OMG girl u hit them correctly!!!

    Have a great weekend!

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    Replies
    1. I'm totally going to read your blog right now!
      Maybe something is wrong with me because I don't like this book. I kept reading, hoping Hello Kitty would jump out and hand me a cupcake, then rainbows would appear and it would be magic. I just didn't think any part of it was that good or steamy or whatever it is everybody likes :( I'm super bummed.

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    2. Don't be bummed, this book sucks! The writing is horrible and even worse then amateur. This lady didn't have the imagination to wrote her own story so she totally copied twilight.

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  2. Eh. It sounds lame, my friend who writes porn made fun of it, and Twilight is not for me. So I'm with you! Also, I am rediscovering my love for Harlequins lately. Smart Bitches, Trashy Books FTW. http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/

    Also, Fifty Shades of Grey started life on fanfic.com as Twilight BDSM, so, yeah. That's that.

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    1. Smart Bitches, Trashy Books!? YES! awesome

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  3. I am SO with you, on every single point. The writing sucks, the whole premise is messed up, and I would seriously rather read a trashy romance novel. Why is this getting so much press? And I also get annoyed by the fact you can tell the author is English because she uses so many English words that don't make sense. For instance, when do you say to a friend "I shall phone him in the morning." Really??/ Waste of my time, good thing I got the book free!

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  4. I haven't read it and probably won't, but from my understanding, it's written by a bunch of people who write Twilight "fan fiction" which is taking the original story and making up their own stories. This was just their "risque" version of Twilight so while in one way, it IS a rip off of those books, it was actually suppose to be and that's it's real origin.

    I'm amused by how polarized the feedback is. Seems like everyone is either an addict or hated it, haven't seen any "just okay" reviews.

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  5. boo :(((( i wanna cry. I am on chapter 4 of the book & I even bought the wholes series for my kindle.. maybe I shoulda waited to buy them all..o well you live n learn!! I will finish the first one and see. But so far I agree wtih you. Not liking it too much!! after I will go back to my Nicholas sparks books!

    Hope you had a GREAT weekend!!

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  6. SeriousDisappointmentThu Jul 12, 10:23:00 AM 2012

    OMG!!!!! Looks like we are definitely the minority, but I am so glad to finally see people who have the same opinion as I do of the books. I have not "read" the books. I had the misfortune of getting Fifty shades of Grey as an audio book. Now let me tell you, that is a painful, painful listen. I commute for work, so audio books are great for me. I got book 1 because a friend of mine had just finished reading the series and LOVED it, and wanted my opinion.
    Let me say, my "inner goddess" was doing backflips when Book 1 finished. Ugh. I (against my better judgement) got books 2 & 3 from the library. My friend insisted I would come to LOVE Christian. I'm still waiting. I can't get past the complete similarities between Fifty and Twilight. Leah, I think you hit every one of them that bothered me. As I'm listening to these books, all I can hear are direct descriptions right out of Twilight.

    Now, if I can get past the similarity to Twilight, then I am still left with a poorly written book, that is neither romantic, nor erotic. The supposedly "sexy" language seems more suited to a horny 12 year old boy than a grown woman. I am highly disappointed with the books. As for making movies of them, I'm wondering how they will pull that off without them being XXX.

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  7. I agree! And we are definitely the minority. I read the Twilight series and thought it was good for an easy read, so I tried 50 Shades. Everyone was raving about it, so I wanted to see what the hype was about. I figured if it started as fan fiction and was good enough to make a best sellers list, there must be something behind it. I couldn't believe how wrong I was!

    First, the whole contract for sex and being his "submissive" just.. irked me, to say the least. My main problem with it wasn't not the content though, but the horrible writing. The similarities between Twilight and 50 Shades are so numerous and only surface-deep, I just can't get into the book. The author took practically everything from Twilight and just changed minor details, such as Ana's mother marrying a much older man whereas Bella's mother married a much younger man. It isn't Twilight-inspired, it's Twilight-copied. I'm surprised there hasn't been any legal issues over this.

    Second, there is absolutely no depth in writing or thought put into the book, in my opinion at least. Granted, I only got halfway through the 1st book before throwing in the towel, but I don't see it getting significantly better. Like you said, any descriptions were extremely shallow and would just cut off. I kept having to go back to previous pages and reread them for the story to make any sense. But, what really put the nail in the coffin for me is when she said Mr. Grey should be named Mr. Cryptic. Ok, I may be looking at this too logically, but grey means that things are not black and white, as in they're confusing, as in they're CRYPTIC! The author already named the main character Grey. This just seems so extremely redundant and a huge oversight on the part of the author and editor(s) to add in that line.

    For me the book didn't live up to all the hype.

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    Replies
    1. If I never read or hear the phrase "Oh My" again - that would be splendid. We got more our of Bella / Edward even before their honeymoon.

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  8. Leah, I AGREE with you. The writing is horrible. I did read all three books just so that the next time i hear about the book I have valid arguments about how it basically Twilight. I gave it the benefit of the doubt, I read it. It sucked. I don't generally read any of the crap myself. I prefer a good horror novel. Thanks for your review.

    The Twilight movies blew it for me too. They suck.

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  9. My inner goddess barfed when I read this book. And then I blushed and said, "Oh my!"

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  10. I agree! I went searching the web hoping to find that I wasn't the only one who felt this way! If I was Stephanie Meyer I would want to sue. Also I've only got half way into chapter 8 I just can't get into it and think it's really sad that anyone would agree to that! So I'm not sure if I'll finish or not.

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  11. Total Rip off! And Twilight was 1000x's more erotic, even sans gratuitous sex scenes.

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