Bra shopping. A big pile of suck, if you ask me.
And the padding. I was blessed in high school by the boob fairy, so I went from an A to a C in a matter of months. The #1 most important thing was that no one EVER NEVER EVER would ‘know I was cold’ if you catch what I’m saying. My bras HAD to be padded. Not push-up, but padded so I could hang out in a walk-in freezer and no one would be the wiser of my internal body temperature.
Somehow these ‘bra rules’ have stuck with me through the years. The only thing to really have changed was my color requirements. I used to have all sorts of coordinating bras to match my outfits. Then I realized that if you wear beige you can wear anything else. White shirt, black shirt, sheer shirt, whatever! So unfortunately for whatever guy was in my life, my bras went from fun and colorful, to beige and boring. Remember the facebook status thing a few years back where all the girls updated their status to their bra color? Yeah… I of course had on beige that day. But I called it ‘taupe’ or something equally J.Crew-ishly sophisticated.
If you’ve had a child, or know anything about anatomy at all, you know that after kids your boobs get… well… weird. What they say about deflated balloons is real… and I didn’t even breastfeed. I can only imagine what they would be like if my child had taken to the boob. Regardless, bra shopping changes. I didn’t know if I needed to go up a cupsize, up a band size, down a cupsize, etc. When Gav was about two and I was having an ‘extra skinny’ year, I took him with me to good old Victoria’s Secret to be measured. Again. I had gone from my comfortable 36C to a 34D. Not a bad thing, I thought.
But as time passes, as it always seems to do, those bras wore out and it's time for new ones. When I first started dating my boyfriend last year (we are all adults here, yes I’m 32 and yes he’s seen me in a bra). He requested I get some new ‘fun color’ bras. Vicky’s was having their semi-annual sale so I scored quite a few in what I thought was my size in all sorts of wild metallic animal prints, etc. unfortunately none of them worked out. I wore one of the new ones when meeting his family for the first time (with a shirt over it of course!) And BF pulled me aside to say my boobs were muffin-topping over my bra and it was noticeable. I blamed him and his ‘forcing me’ to get Victoria’s secret bras, because clearly I was beyond that store size-wise.
My mom had invested a ton of money at Soma (it’s Chico’s lingerie store or something). None of them worked out for her, but they fit me great. She also had gotten some ‘uplifting’ bras at a Woman’s Show and passed them on to me too. These have lasted me… that is… until now.
Wearing the same 4 bras on repeat (and lets be serious, I only really wear the ONE beige one), it has gotten pretty gross. The elastic in the straps is shot, there is weird fuzz on the cups from going through the washer a million times. And I think my boyfriend just tries to ignore the whole gross bra situation. He knows he’ll be stuck with muffin-boob-top girl again that’s worse than a fuzzy old bra.
So today, while Gavin was at his dad’s, I took myself bra shopping. I knew I would have to try on quite a few to get what I wanted… but I had no idea how many. Six. Not six bras, six trips to the fitting room with between 5 and 10 bras each trip. And none of them were working. I tried on every size, brand, and style. I did not want to deal with a sales woman. I am an adult, I can figure out what size I need… you’d think.
Oh, and don’t think my ‘rules’ you know, my middle and high school self rules didn’t apply. I would only try on bras with 2 or less hooks, thin straps and with padded cups. And yes, beige ones took priority.
I tried on bras, and tried and tried and tried. Finally, I discovered Vanity Fair (isn’t that a magazine?) size 38C is what is working for me. There’s no spillage, no boobs looking too big and hiding under my arms, no weird back rolls. Oh and only a certain style of Vanity Fair 38C. It’s called the ‘Softest Bra Ever.’ I mean it’s as soft as any other bra… but all I knew is it fit.
SO here’s the point in the post where you guys are thinking I’m going to post a photo of myself in a well-fitting bra. Sorry you guys, it’s not going to happen. But what I can show you is the bras that I did pick out. I got a kind-of fun black animal print and a basic ivory color.
And there was no beige in my size in site L
Wearing a bra that fits your body is an amazing thing. You look leaner, more put together, and it’s a good feeling! I will have to go back for a beige bra soon. I’m not sure I will survive without one. But I know what I need to do. Toss the old fuzzy one in the trash. BF will thank me and my boobs will thank me.