Remember that drink from college, the mind eraser? It was more of a shooter than a shot. It's vodka, kahlua and seltzer layered and you drink it with a straw. I kind of felt like that recently. No, not like I've had too many drinks. Like I've forgotten things about myself, though. I got on my blog to finally create my 'about the author' page last night. I had this really awesome plan to make a polyvore of stuff that represented me. That way, if someone was new to my blog, or I was taking part in a blog swap, etc. they could quickly glance at the picture and know everything they needed to about me in 5 seconds. Genius, I know!
Well here's the thing. I got Gav in bed. I opened up polyvore and was stuck. I'm not going to call it writers block or being in a rut creatively. I seriously, had no clue what it was that I liked. I mean there's the obvious... Hello Kitty... right? But idk.... just not feeling her at the moment (and you all calm down, she's inked on me, there's no getting away from her). But that's actually where I had to start.... the things I have tattooed on me are what I really like. Or think I like. Or liked at some point? So on polyvore I started searching by my tattoos... stars... anchors... bows...
You know about my new job. My IRL friends know that I recently took on another major responsibility too because... as I'm piling stuff on my plate, why have the need to go back for seconds when I can load myself down at once. Ok, seriously, I somehow committed myself to something that totally wiped out any remaining 'me' time available. Why? Because I'm kind, responsible, am a pro who is an expert on certain subjects and apparently can't say no when people ask me to help.
Anyway, to perform the non-job but other major responsibility I needed to use a notebook to take notes, keep up with where stuff was saved on my computer, make lists, etc. I have a ton of notebooks. From Hello Kitty to May Books, I have them all over the place. I find it no coincidence that out of all of them. this is the notebook that I chose do take my notes in that I got from my sweet, sweet friend Stephanie.
It's from Target and the best notebook ever...
It says on the cover in gold "She Makes the Day Brighter. She Leaves a Little Sparkle Wherever She Goes."
But you know what? I wasn't feeling the sparkle. At all. Me, the most cheerful, bubbly, happy girl ever - turned super professional and all business. But I turned super cranky too. And for no reason. Like there was legit no reason for me to be that way. BF is the only one who's called me out on it. But its real. I know I need to loosen up. To relax...
Then all of a sudden it hit me... I was straight up dulling my own sparkle. Just being overwhelmed, but in a good way. Really, only one thing was making me put the damper on my own life. It was what was in the darn red sparkle notebook!!! The one that carried all the 'other responsibility' work. That was what was causing me the frown-face.
All of a sudden this quote, that I've seen a thousand times before, but it suddenly made sense.
I was like omg... figured out. all parts. must ditch the 2nd gig. Paid or not. Nothing is worth losing my sparkle over. Not even a little bit of dull.
So here I sit tonight. Still a little cranky but it's slowly ridding itself out of me. Working on my polyvore 'about the author' page for my blog... finally. It's still a little dark. Literally and figuratively.
We'll call it a work in process. All of it. Not quite ready for the 'about the author' page yet. Give me a couple weeks. I'll make another one. Hopefully brighter.